Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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