You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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