I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
