I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
