i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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