the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize