party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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