i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
