Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
