these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
