i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
