i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
