roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize