We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
