if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
