Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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