I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
