My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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