if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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