I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
