We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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