Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
