there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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