She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
where does the pee come out of this thing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
