that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize