I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
