You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
