Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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