i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
