ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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