1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
