Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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