respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
