She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
