I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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