I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
