just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
