hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
