Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
