He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
