don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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