you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
