I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
