Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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