I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
