I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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