I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
