I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize