The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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