...so i touched it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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