erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I could make wine with my vomit
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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