my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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