Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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