just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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