The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
