The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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