Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
