HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
