She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
