Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
