She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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