i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
