I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
