I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
