you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
