Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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