I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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