Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
