I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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