please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
