Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its liver damage thursday
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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