I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
