I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
