god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
