apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You ruined the universe
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
