census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
