You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
