we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
