You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's blow job season.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize