If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize