Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
