How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
