Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
