girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
