I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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