Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
