ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
