Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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