You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
