i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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