I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
