Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
