We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
