My first STD was from a foam party
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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