you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd cum for enchiladas.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
