how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
