I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
