Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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