I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
