Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
