dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
