Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
