what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
