I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
